Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
