Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
