You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
