I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
