To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Text me some of your sweat
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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