He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize