I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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