Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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