This girl is more easily done than said...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
