I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize