Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
