i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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