I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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