At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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