I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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