Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
