i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
