do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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