ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So much rum. So many feels.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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