he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
