There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
