I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
