soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize