Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
