I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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