i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
