If that was your dad, he is hot
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
