he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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