Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
