Swine flu. Run for my life!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
