Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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