Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
