so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
