i was born a porn star she said
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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