And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My pussy is not your playground.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
