this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
