operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
