You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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