I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
