Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
