idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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