my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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