I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
