i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
