I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Are we still banned from the library?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
