I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
