i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
