Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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