I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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