I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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