having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
