I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
