a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
