i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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