i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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