So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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