with your own penis?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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