Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
