No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
