yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize