put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
