I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
