I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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