He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
