I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
