this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
