I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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