Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
