i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize