Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
