there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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