at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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