Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
