Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
