why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
