Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
