im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
