yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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