remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
