I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
