Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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