just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
