You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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