I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
