The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we made out on top of his cat.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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