I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
