Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize