No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
